Hi and wellcome to my page. I hope you’re having a great day. Today I want to tell you something very personal. (Gonna be a long one!!)
Today is a very special day to me. Why? Well, there’s no special occasion on the 21st of December that would involve my presence if you thought so. It’s a special day because it’s TODAY. The date doesn’t matter. Today something very special happened. It brought me to tears. I was literally standing in front of the mirror, crying. And laughing. Both at the same time.
Christians say „Ask and it is given“. Well, first of all: Yes, I am officially Christian. Even though I never had an initiation. Sorry I forgot the right word for that 😂. So,.. As you might already be able to tell. – after me calling it an ‚initiation‘ – Religion is a complicated matter to me. 😅 I am Christian, but I’m not. I am also a witch. But at the same time, I’m not! It depends on who you’re asking. (By the way: I AM NOT DOING SPELLWORK. NO REQUESTS PLEASE)
Those who follow me on Instagram already know that I don’t like boxes, as I showed in my last reel there. So if you ask me what I am, I would tell you: I’m Shen. And that’s it. It’s impossible for me to tell you „what“ I am. I don’t know it myself. Still figuring out. I am a high priestess. (Wich only refers to the characteristics of a card named „the high priestess“ in tarot. Not a real one.) But I don’t know what else I am. Do you all know who or what you are? My theory is that it’s almost impossible to know as we all are constantly growing and evolving. And if you do it at my pace you don’t have time to take notes 😂⌚. So I don’t know. Do you?
To explain to you, why I cried and why the title talks about someone’s favorite dress, I need to give you a better view on my life:
I am a single mom who left a husband, a house, a lot of her belongings and a whole family behind. The ex’s family. Just to be clear on that. I have to share my daughter with all of them and therefore see them every now and than. Same as the husband unfortunately. So the „left behind“ – thing is more so said from their point of view.
Now I won’t tell you all the dirty little details about our separation. I want to tell you something about today but you need some background information. Well…
Recently I had to pick up some stuff from his house.
Let me tell you: Picking up your last belongings, packed up in the garage of the house you used to call home is not the easiest thing to do. No matter the circumstances. Meeting the person you used to call your better half over and over again, being reminded of all that happened also is a tough thing for a sensitive soul. I’m not saying that I’m super sensitive but I do care about people a lot. And even though I was the one leaving, we do share the same memories. And even though I’m the one moving on, it still is a fucking painful process for many different reasons. But as always, I had the best company to get me through this. (Thank you KRIMA by the way.)
We picked it all up and when bringing it home I didn’t have the time to look through it. I had no idea what it was that stayed in that house except of some things I’ve been asking for. So, back to the story.
I had no more time left as my daughters bedtime was already overdue. Her father picked her up today as she’s with me over the holidays, so after that, I decided to take a look what’s inside the bags we brought home. They obviously contained clothes. I already saw my wedding dress peaking out of one of them. But guys…. I had no idea what I would find…
In 2 of those bags there were my old clothes. They didn’t fit me any more. I packed them up and they were hidden at the rooftop for a looong looong time. Guess what…
You smart people already connected the dots right? 😉
I found a dress. A dress that didn’t fit a long time ago. A dress that I once got for my birthday. Which I bought myself. And have been wearing 2 to 3 times. It was to fancy to wear on a daily, I thought. How foolish.. I really didn’t think I would be worth it.
You know, recently I found out that I had (and to some extend still have) a problem there. I didn’t want to be seen. Because each time somebody saw me, I got hurt. Not by the people seeing me in particular. Well not always. But more by the people who should have been protecting/supporting me or should have been feeling happy for me being in the spotlight.
Funny how your perspective can change over the years.
I am proud of my past self. She had to deal with so much pain. And here we are. Still alive and the best version of ourselves. Still growing, still learning, still fighting. Never giving up. Stronger than ever. Without her and all the things she did, good and bad, I would never be where I am now. Don’t get me wrong, my life is anything else but perfect. 😂 I’m a huge mess and so is my life. But I have grown so much. And I love my life now. It’s the best part yet. It really is. Despite all struggles..
Of course it depends on the day. Sometimes I wish to be dead, sometimes I cry out of happiness in front of the mirror. (for the records: I’m not even close to considering that. It sounds worse than it’s meant to 😜)
I think at least 90% of all who read this can relate. At least those who are on a healing journey as well. That’s life. It’s good and bad and equal and unfair and miserable and the best and fun and entertaining and.. You get the point. I love my life and I love being alive. Which I thought would never happen. My past self thought it would never happen. But NEVER gave up. And therefore I love and adore and admire her. She was gorgeous and became a better person day by day. I forgive each and every mistake she made on the way.
Sorry. I got carried away.. I just love myself so much now 😂. It’s just… I used to hate myself before. I really did. I’m not sure where I stopped hating or started loving myself. I guess it was a long process with very blurred lines xD and many influences. Good and bad. But anyway, now we’re here.
So now I tell you the reason why I started writing this 😂. In case you didn’t notice: I have add symptoms. 😂 Hope you still can follow my words. Well, that’s the way I speak. I write whatever is on my mind. It comes out raw and pure 😂📝.
I found the dress. And I got extremely happy because I didn’t see it in a long time, but loved it so much. I still do. Of course I needed to put it on 😆. I thought: even if it won’t fit, I at least have to see myself in it. Even if it won’t close.
Guess what? It fits me perfectly. It could even be a bit tighter around waist and shoulders 🤭. Where my girls at? You understand my reaction already right? 😄 But that’s not the reason why I cried to be honest. It was a great moment but I would not cry because of that. My body is a vessel. And I treated it well lately. That’s a reasonable consequence. I don’t care THAT MUCH about my weight any more.
But I got emotional when I realized that I got a message from spirit or my ancestors or.. No. I have no idea who’s sent me that message. I get sent songs in 5D A LOT. Sometimes I know exactly who’s the sender. Sometimes I don’t. This time I was assuming that it’s some guy who wants to ask me out on a date 😂. It was a very romantic song that describes an intimate moment between 2 lovers. But it didn’t make sense to me. Why would that person point out that sentence so much? Well I was wrong. It was not some guy. Wait. I just realized it’s not the first one. Damn. 😂 That’s so cool. OK, So I received 2 songs. And in both songs a similar sentence. That’s why I thought it would be a man. It is about someone wearing something special and meeting up with someone.
And since yesterday morning I couldn’t get that sentence off my mind. The sentence became title of this post.
Someone in 5D wanted me to know that I will reunite with her. Yes. If you love a dress so much, it becomes a „her“ 😆. So
Long LOOOOOONG story short: I was crying because of all the above. All I’ve been through that didn’t break me. My own forgiveness. My own love for myself. My weight loss. Also I didn’t mention, there was a coat which belonged to my dad as well. So that’s one more reason. And I also cried because of the gifts I have and the way they influence my life now. The way spirit gives me messages even though I refuse to meditate or be open to meet spirits. I am just so grateful. And in that moment it made me cry. And laugh. And cry again.
The universe always finds a way to reach you. The only thing you have to do is listen. There’s nothing more you need to do. You decide how open you are. You decide how many channels the universe can use to reach you. And if it’s 1 than it’s only 1.
Expect miracles. They happen every day. Mine was this dress today. I felt miserable lately because I don’t have clothes that fit and as soon as I get some, I loose weight and have to find something new. Sounds great? Imagine you don’t have money and also really like what you’re wearing. 😅
Maybe that’s why the message came out this way. Let me explain:
When I started manifesting the love life I wish for, I got very specific. Not about a person but how that life or those interactions should look like. Therefore my imagination also got specific. And then suddenly there was a problem. I had a conversation with myself – What if „the perfect match“ appears out of nowhere and asks you out? You don’t even have anything to wear. „I need something between daily wear and wedding dress“ 😂 –
Ask and it is given. There is my dress. Between daily and wedding. More daily than wedding. But a very pretty daily ☺️. I’m prepared now. Thank you universe ❤️.
As spirit wants me to be my most authentic self no matter who’s reading/watching/listening, I decided to be more personal on my page. There is always a reason for it. Maybe someone needs to read that exactly the way I wrote about it. I know someone will make fun of it. But I do it anyway.
To the person who needs it: I hope opening up helped. It’s way WAY out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts like that on the internet. It’s what I would tell my best friend and only my best friend. But I have to listen to the high priestess within myself. And she says open up. I give you the same advice. Open up. Whatever it is you’re going through. You don’t have to do it alone. Talk to someone. But if you are not ready, that’s OK too. Take your time. And till than, the universe will catch you. But you need to listen carefully 😉. I love you